A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
