Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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