I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
