Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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