I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
