my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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