My Higher Power is John Stamos
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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