it's great music for shaving your balls
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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