I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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