we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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