We're facebook friends in real life
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
His nipple licking is glorious
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