By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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