How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
