At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
