i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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