Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
