i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
