I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
okay pat passed out under dana's car
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
