Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
