I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
