he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
