Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
