I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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