Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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