the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
