Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
