Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
