one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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