first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
