and next time when you feel me up, do it right
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
