My Higher Power is John Stamos
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
