Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Success! We fucked roommates!
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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