You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
