Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
