Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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