If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
