I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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