So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
