that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
