just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Less talking, more tequila
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
