Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
