Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
