There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
