Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize