I need to stop coming to work sober
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
