brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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