I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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