She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
