you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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