Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
