I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Randomize
