Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
