i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
