Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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