this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
