At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
