So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
