im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
