just tell him i said nine months
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
