$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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