He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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