I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
