I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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