Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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