Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
