Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
