Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
