you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
