Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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