I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
