i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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