i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
