this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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