You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
