The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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