The maid of honor just puked.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
