went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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