It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
