I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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